On Debate Eve, Romney Camp Focused On Zingers, Not Substance

The Romney campaign has decided that presidential debates are about memorable moments, according to a recent NY Times report, and to that end their candidate is committing numerous "zingers" to memory for use against President Obama Wednesday night.

This should be fun. Mitt Romney is such a gifted, though unwitting, comedian that there's no doubt he'll be entertaining. (I bet he doesn't think of it as a "zinger," though. I bet he thinks of it as a "hot one.") (I hope after he lays a "hot one" on Obama he looks at the camera, smirks, and says, "Ba-zinga.")

For his part, the president has said he is hoping for a serious debate concerning the important issues of the day.

Before the debate has begun, the score is Obama 1, Romney 0.

Bring on the Obama Ads

Hey Google, what's a guy gotta do to get some Obama ads around here? I think we'd make more money if we got the RomBot ads off the side of the page.  He doesn't want money from the "little people" anyway!

Sabato's Crystal Ball: Obama a Shoo-In at this Point

Sabato's Crystal Ball, excellent website for number crunching. He has Obama at a fairly safe 290 electoral votes.  A major shake-up would have to happen to swing things in Romney's direction.

Sabato site

Real Clear Politics has more a Repub, Rasmussen feel, and even they give Obama a huge edge currently.

In the Senate, Sabato has it currently 49-45 for the Dems, with 6 toss-ups.  Just two of those toss-ups have to go D for the Dems to retain control of the Senate. With Elizabeth Warren of MA and Tammy Baldwin of WI probably going to win...looks like a safe Senate save for the Dems.

The House will probably Stay Repub, though Dems are likely to chip into their lead.

Mitt Sinks Lower than W in Favorability Rating

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/28/romney-bush-favorability_n_1922560.html?utm_hp_ref=politics&utm_hp_ref=politics


You KNOW George W. Bush is Mitt Romney's biggest fan and supporter. Mitt's the only guy that can get W off the list as America's Worst President.

Newt Gingrich: If Obama wins, we'll being plotting our comeback

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/28/newt-gingrich-obama-2016_n_1922690.html?utm_hp_ref=politics


Of course the Repubs will plot their comeback.  All they do is plot how to win elections -- they're not even remotely interested in governance.  They've had a huge tactical advantage over the Dems for years -- they're always plotting and planning, playing Machiavellian games with gerrymandering, redistricting, and voter suppression, while Dems are busy doing things like, you know, governing.  America, however, has figured out the GOP. We are shunning them. Plot all you want, Newt, but your party is close to implosion, with the insane teabaggers on one side and the geriatric nostalgia types on the other. And nothing in the middle.

Obama Obama Obama -- Now Let's See Some Obama Ads on Here!

Tempted to type Obama about 80 times, just to try to get some Obama ads posted on this site. 

Other races deserving of your five dollar bill:

Claire McCaskill in Missouri! She's leading the Kahuna of the Fruitcakes Todd Akin, but expect the RNC money to come pouring in -- they just love that guy's take on rape.  Seriously, he is one scary dude.  If I ever thought the "skeleton in the closet" phrase might be literal rather than figurative, it's with this guy.

Romney Camp Lowers Debate Expectations

And if I were them I would too.  The RomBot camp is out in force touting President Obama's brilliantly unparalleled gifts as an orator -- simply to lower expectations for Romney's upcoming 90 minutes of ineptitude.

Sure, Obama is a fine orator, and he runs a smart campaing, neiter of wich can be said for Romney but the real story of why Romney is losing so badly is the GOP's inability to remain pertinent. They're locked into an increasingly outlier mentality, unable to connect with the reality of contemporary America: We're more diverse, more progressive, and smarter than ever. As long as the GOP pretends that America is for whites only, and all they need to do is wear a bigger flag lapel pin, they will lose...and lose...and lose.

http://news.yahoo.com/romney-camp-downplays-debate-expectations-012331687--abc-news-politics.html

Republicans On the Attack: Gingrich v. Fox; West v. Red Menace in Congress

Republicans are a combative lot, always looking to gin up a good conflict – usually for the sake of self-aggrandizement, free press, or the titillation of their cranky, perpetually aggrieved base. But regardless of motive, it’s a naff bit of fun to watch. Especially now that the hulking ocean liner that is the GOP nominating process has wrecked upon the monolithic dullness that is Mitt Romney. (Our nod to the 100^th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.) (And congratulations to Mr. Romney for icing the nomination.) (GOP staff and crew, you may lower the lifeboats.)

Take Newt Gingrich. Moon Pie is on the offensive, blasting the diddly-dang biased media again – but this time he’s blasting...FOX NEWS!!! Has the universe turned widdershins? Are we in bizarro world? No, it’s true – after verbally spanking the liberal media like a dominating daddy for the past couple months – since his monumental loss in Florida, actually – and seeing the amount of coverage he gets from aforesaid media plummet like a stone falling out of orbit toward the gravity well of a heavenly body, Mr. Gingrich is doubling down on the few media outlets that remain accessible to him. He’s attacking Fox News for sinking his campaign, saying that Darth Murdoch and the Empire want Mitt Romney in the White House and "...there’s no question Fox had a lot to do with stopping my campaign because such a high percentage of our base watches Fox." Use the farce, Newt.

In even more absurd GOP shenanigans, Rep. Allen West of Florida is alleging that Congress is permeated with members of the Communist Party. He’s heard tell there are around 80 of them or so, and...and....

...I’m finding myself a bit unnerved by this story – how did he find out?!? – even to the point of dropping the annoying "royal we" pronoun we’ve been using for a couple months. (Thought it was cute, at first. Now I’m not so sure what we think about it.) It’s so unnerving because, well...my secret Soviet overlords are telling me to belittle Rep. West for his accusation, to keep the American people in the dark about our Secret Soviet Plans to take over the United States and force all freedom-loving Christians to worship secular liberal condoms, or whatever nefarious plans are being kicked around this week back in Leningrad...goodness – How did he find out?!?

Ahem.  That Rep. West. He’s sure a dildo. Communists? Ha. It is to laugh.

Comrade Z-19, over and out.

GOP Nomination Romneys Toward Its Inevitable Conclusion

We propose a new verb:

To Romney:  to proceed toward an inevitable end, one neither desired nor hoped for, but accepted stoically by all interested parties.

"After teetering over the edge of the oceanside precipice, the sports car romneyed slowly to the rocky shore below."

"Damn it, Martha, I have to romney to work now."

"The candidate, though not particularly loved by anyone, seemed the only viable choice when compared with his insane or brain-dead competitors. He eventually romneyed his way to the candidacy."

Our neologism might not have the legs of Dan Savage’s delightful savaging of Rick Santorum’s good name, but it certainly captures the feeling of lethargy surrounding the inevitability of Mitt Romney’s nomination. He’s about to wrap it up? Yay. We really like him. Go...Romney...go...yawn....

Only a smart VP choice can perk up this campaign. Somebody exciting and unvetted might do it – it worked so well in 2008 for the Republicans – and we really have to suggest Rand Paul. (Nobody much liked our idea last column that Kim Kardashian get the nod, so we’re staying inside the box a bit more this time around.)

Rand Paul brings major positives to the campaign, and only a few negatives. First, the negatives: He’s short. I mean really, really short. When he follows another speaker at his dad’s campaign rallies, there’s always this awkward bit while they readjust the microphone, or slip a box under him so you can see him over the lectern. For the first several seconds there’s just this bit of curly, freedom-loving hair peeking up until his puckish, snarky grin romneys upward like a very slow jack-in-the-box and begins to mouth off about how tired he is of hearing about Warren Buffett’s secretary, or how much he loves British Petroleum or hates the Civil Rights Act. (The other negative is the possibility that the candidates, when appearing together, will too much resemble a ventriloquist's act.)  Once he gets his box in place, though, Mr. Paul becomes a rather formidable contender in the VP sweepstakes.

We are certain he would deliver the Ron Paul vote. Many of them will think they’re actually voting for Ron Paul. "Beulah! Get in here, Beulah! Ron Paul’s looking about 30 years younger!" "Lovin’ freedom takes off the years, Frank honey!"

We are also certain he will deliver the Tea Party vote. They backed him in Kentucky, during his successful senatorial bid, and they will back him in the presidential.

He will deliver the Southern vote. He is one – raised in Texas, currently representing Kentucky. And he really doesn’t like the Civil Rights Act, newfangled gummint social engineering that it is.

Mr. Paul could very well help make a race of it, but we suspect even his little elfin self will not be enough to romney the top of the ticket into the White House.

Romney Juggernaut Chugs Toward D.C.; Good-Bye Newt

Three primaries Tuesday lie solidly in Mitt Romney country as The Race turns from the Deep South to the Solidly North: District of Columbia, Maryland, and Wisconsin. With 98 delegates up for grabs in winner-take-all fashion, Mr. Romney has a solid chance for a clean sweep, pushing his total delegate count over 600.

It has been a good week for the Romney camp. Endorsements pour in, as the wind sniffers sniff the wind, and the Meretricious Mormon has gotten the nod from such Republican notables as Paul Ryan, Marco Rubio, and Poppy Bush. Also, Secret Talks have been reported – and verified – between the Romney camp and Newt Gingrich. Though they downplay the Louisiana meeting, pretending such Secret Talks happen all the time (though apparently they don’t), the smart money is on the likelihood of Newt dropping out, should a future President Romney make it worth his while. A ride on Air Force One will no doubt be part of the deal, though we suspect Mr. Gingrich wants more. A cabinet post would do it, but that will happen sometime when Darfur freezes over. We suspect an ambassadorship will seal the pact. Someplace First World, hopefully out of the way enough to prevent his ADD-influenced maunderings from inadvertently triggering a world war. Poland, perhaps. Callista has roots there. We can picture them, the toast of Warsaw, Newt having his picture taken with four-legged luminaries at the Polish National Zoo (50 zloty a pop?) while Callista sits in on French horn with the Polish National Symphony. It is indeed time for the Grand Old Nobody of the right to fade to black, and though we do not particularly wish him well, we do not particularly wish him ill, either. We simply wish him gone. And soon, we suspect, our wish will be granted.

Returning to more relevant matters than Newt Who?, the young anglers of the right are fishing outright for a VP nod. Marco Rubio of Florida would be thrilled with the spot, as would Paul "I Laugh As I Kiss the Third Rail" Ryan, both of whom are young and cute in that clean-cut Republican way that is increasingly synonymous with closeted homosexuality. We advise Mr. Romney to, yes, go with young and attractive, and a high Q rating, but get somebody more obviously hetero, for god’s sake, and maybe think outside the box: a Kardashian would do the trick. Well known, hetero with the sex tapes to prove it, solidly Republican, and vapid enough to seem "real" to the party base. Not "elitist." No "fancy-pants" book learning. "Stupid."

Romney/Kardashian. You heard it here first. For reals.

Rick Santorum: 2016 Republican Nominee?

The races of the past week show us nothing new. Mitt Romney is on track to win the presidential nomination for the Republican Party, but his support is weak in the nation’s strongest GOP bastion – the Deep South. Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul are wasting everybody’s time with their continued march to oblivion. And Rick Santorum is shaping up to be the presumptive front-runner in 2016.

Santorum looks at times like the Real Deal. He has the unerring sense of placement – a bowling alley, a gun range, a batting cage – that eludes his rivals. While Santorum is at a shooting range, bolstering his cred for the gun fetishists who own the GOP, Newt Gingrich is pontificating at Tulane University (take that West Georgia College!) And Santorum looks good doing what he does. When he takes cuts in the batting cage, he frankly looks just about as slick as Barack Obama did some four years ago knocking down that three-point shot in front of the troops.

Santorum has run a shoestring campaign, amassing a legitimate number of candidates even though he’s being outspent by Croesus at a rate of some (depending on estimates) 6- or 10-1. His core economic message resonates with the GOP base – rip the whole effing planet to shreds so y’all can buy a bigger pick-up truck, and worry about the future when it gets here (addendum: by then we’ll all be in Heaven – us good folk, anyway. Anybody got a problem with that?) When he stuck to the economics, and what the pundits call the "personal story" – Grandpa was a coal miner – he crawled into the lead in national polls and seemed poised to take the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy – I mean, the GOP nomination – from Romney’s groomed and grasping fingers. But then, invariably, Santorum the amateur reared his head.

When he turns into Father Flanagan, Rick Santorum can’t get elected to anything, not even Sheriff of your average-sized Arizona county. Even among the most Puritanical and sexually conflicted group of our time – the base of the Republican Party – it doesn’t play to castigate folks for using birth control. And frankly, the Gay Marriage Wedge Issue just ain’t gonna fly no more. The Repubs might as well try to revive miscegenation laws, for all the good that one’s going to do them – we’ve moved beyond it, people. When Rick turns into a dick, his numbers collapse. The presidency might be a bully pulpit, but we really don’t want a bully in there who thinks it’s an actual pulpit – we don’t need to be lectured to by a guy who really thinks his church is the Universal Church. It’s not, and most of the rest of us – left, right, center, gay and straight – don’t need to be told that we’re bad people because we use a condom.

Rick Santorum will not win the nomination this time around. Romney is way ahead in delegates and in popular vote. The super-delegates haven’t even weighed in yet, and they will go to the Romney camp almost without exception. But in November, Romney will lose. He can barely put away Father Flanagan, even with a 10-1 dollar advantage. Against President Obama, with the money being roughly equal, Romney will show how mediocre a candidate he really is and we will have four more years of Obama/Biden.

In 2016, though, Rick Santorum will be able to make the compelling case that the GOP should have chosen him – a Real Conservative – back in 2012. Presumably he will be better funded and will run a more legitimate campaign (by that we mean the little things: get on the ballot in Virginia, for instance). He will be the front-runner right out of the chute, and will remain so until he shows the base that he has not matured as a candidate, that he would rather indulge himself in sharing his personal catechism with the world. Is he capable of maturation? Those possessed of absolute truth seldom are. But if he really wants it all in four years, he had better do some serious soul-searching, and figure out how to keep Father Flanagan under wraps.

Romney Rout in Illinois -- Time to Track Toward the Middle?

With his Illinois blowout, Mitt Romney has all but formalized his party’s nomination for the presidency. His numbers were substantially better than anticipated, with at least 42 of the state’s 69 delegates thus far apportioned to him. With the coveted Jeb Bush endorsement (we’re being ironic), he should power his way to victory, regardless of Rick Santorum’s likely win in Louisiana this Saturday.

The Romney camp is embracing the idea of hitting the "reset button" on the campaign after wrapping up the nomination, which Santorum loudly condemns as the telegraphing of Romney’s intent to track toward the ideological middle during the general election. Although it is certain that Romney will have to move in that direction to have a chance of defeating a personally popular centrist president, to explicitly point out the strategy is considered bad form at this stage of the primary. The far-right base of the GOP will attempt to punish him in states such as Louisiana, North Carolina, and Texas.

Frankly, though, conservative voters aren’t going to embrace Mitt Romney regardless of what he says or does at this point – they’re not too thrilled with any of their candidates this cycle, and short of Sheriff Arpaio, we really can’t imagine anybody they would conceivably warm to. The vaunted A-list – those luminous Repubs who aren’t running this time around – doesn’t seem so luminous once we look at them, certainly not through the blood-colored lenses of the far-right GOP voter. Chris Christie? Didn’t he say nice things about Whitney Houston? GONG. Mitch Daniels? Doesn’t the issues with the wife make him unelectable? GONG. Jeb Bush? Can a guy with the last name "Bush" ever be elected president – really, isn’t it an even greater millstone than the name "Hussein"? Yes, actually, it is. GONG.

There’s only one Republican with a smidgen of charisma on the national scene that we can think of – Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown – and he is not nearly histrionic enough for the rabid right of the GOP to ever embrace in a presidential primary race. But he would be quite formidable in a general election, where centrism rules and moderation wins a four-year lease at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Even if Mitt Romney does track toward the middle, we suspect he will not have a chance against one of the finest orators, and one of the most skilled counter-punching politicians we’ve ever seen. And Barack Obama’s billion dollar war chest won’t hurt, either.

Mitt "The Accidental Frontrunner" Romney Inches Toward Nomination

Three primaries this week will probably result in a solidification of the status quo in the GOP race to the nomination. Our skilled handicappers tout the races this way: Puerto Rico, today, will go for Romney, Louisiana, Saturday, for Santorum, and Illinois, sandwiched between them on Tuesday, will be a draw.

Puerto Rico: 23 delegates are up for grabs in winner take all format, should the winner receive over 50 percent of the vote. Mitt Romney will likely do so, as he is in Full Campaign Mode of "promise them anything and deal with it later." They want statehood, fine promise them statehood. He has done so unequivocally, while Rick Santorum, with quite a petulant tone in his voice, is all peeved that not enough of them have learned English yet. Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul are non-factors in the race, at this point, though we suspect something interesting will happen in the Paul camp during the August convention. Prediction: All 23 delegates for Mitt Romney.

Illinois: 69 delegates will be awarded proportionally, 3 each per the 18 congressional districts, with the remaining 15 delegates awarded at-large and as party bonuses. The Santorum team failed to get on the ballot in 4 of the districts, giving Romney a guaranteed 12 delegates before the voting begins. Otherwise, Santorum will be competitive even though he is being outspent considerably in the Land of Lincoln. Romney will do well in the urban north; Santorum, the rural south. Ah, Southern Illinois. We remember it well. George Wallace country, as we recall... Prediction: Romney, 34 delegates; Santorum, 23.

Louisiana: 46 delegates, awarded proportionally. This will be the last gasp in the south for Alpha Team Gingrich, and we predict he will receive 10-12 delegates. 20 for Santorum, who will continue to do well in the south, and a dozen or so for Romney.

By the end of next Saturday, then, the overall delegate tally should be something like 69 for Romney and 43 for Santorum. We officially dub Mitt Romney The Accidental Frontrunner, and we think it will stick. When you encounter the moniker online, remember you heard it here first. Unless somebody else has beaten us to it. In which case, we must acknowledge that there really are no original thoughts these days.

Romney Loses Big -- Extends Delegate Lead

The Rick Santorum camp is claiming huge victories in the contests last night, with their incremental victories in Alabama and Mississippi. Mr. Santorum does indeed succeed in the bastions of traditional Religious Right-Wingery, in those Bible-belt places where snakes speak in tongues and folks bow to Mecca five times a day, or whatever it is they do. Mitt Romney, the cultist Mormon, does not fare so well in those fabulous lands. But he doesn’t fare too badly, either, and he still managed to rack up more delegates last night than Rick Santorum.

In Alabama and Mississippi, Mr. Santorum picked up a total of 32 delegates – Mr. Romney, 23. (11-delegate lead, Santorum.) But we also had voting in American Samoa and Hawaii last night. In Samoa, Romney picked up all 9 delegates. In Hawaii, he scored 8 delegates to Mr. Santorum’s 3 delegates. Overall for the night, Mr. Romney racked up 3 delegates more than Mr. Santorum.

So – on a poor night for Mr. Romney, he still won. Inevitability, thy name is Mitt.

The Santorum camp will argue that Mr. Romney only performs well in places that are inconsequential, either to the nation as a whole (Samoa, the Marianas islands) or to the GOP in particular: Hawaii, Berkeley, New York – you know, where the voters aren’t real Americans. (Being a real American requires believing President Obama is a Muslim, the planet is 6,500 years old, and the polar ice caps aren’t melting.)

Newt Gingrich managed to pick up 25 delegates last night, just enough for him to justify sticking around and playing little boy games with the new Secret Service action figures who are now shadowing him. It must be a dream come true. If only he could ride Air Force One with them. Neat!

Ron Paul, meanwhile, scored zero delegates. He will no doubt find a way to claim a great victory for the cause of liberty.

In short, the status quo remains in place, and it increasingly looks as though the Republicans will have no clear victor before the convention in August. After the Turmoil in Tampa, we suspect they will settle – inevitably – on Mr. Romney. Then the GOP’s hard-praying, gun-fetishizing base will have to pretend it truly loved that non-Christian cultist all along.

Republicans March Into Dixie; Abortion Rights Besieged

The Great Race moves to the Confederacy this week, dipping its toe today in Kansas. Though not strictly Dixie, "Bloody Kansas" was as split as the Union during the War Between the States. It should be Santorum country, with the state Legislature pushing an aggressive anti-abortion bill. (Though what state isn’t these days?) Kansas’ unique twist is, among other tactics, to raise taxes on women seeking abortions – that state’s take on the "sin tax," presumably. (One wonders how Republican Deep Thinker Grover Norquist integrates such conflicting desires.)

Georgia, voting on Tuesday, wages its own war on abortion, with an attempt to ban outright all abortions after five weeks. Newt Gingrich leads there, barely, with the latest polls showing essentially a three-way tie between him, Santorum, and Mitt Romney.

Mr. Romney, who is practicing his "y’all" with varying degrees of cringe-inducing failure, actually leads in Mississippi, though that says more about how evenly split the vote is between the Two Real Conservatives than anything else, with both Gingrich and Santorum at 22 percent, and Romney in the low-30s. Mississippi also has entertained a clutch of anti-abortion bills recently, from the increasingly popular "5-week" ban to the old mandatory-ultrasound requirement. ("Make ‘em look at that little baby they’re killin’!") ("Yee-haw!) ("Y’all!")

 The Republicans, in case you haven’t caught on, will if given enough power render abortion illegal. We think all women ought to know that, and we suspect they will come November, what with the way the GOP is over-playing its hand. The Party of Lincoln has become the Party of Telling Women What To Do. We suspect they will lose the woman vote just as effectively as they have lost the African-American and Latino vote. We are trying to envision how they will manage new voter-suppression tactics against women, and we can’t, but we know they will think of something. Inventive new voter-suppression tactics, along with clever new anti-abortion legislation, seem to be the few areas of expertise this party can rightly claim.

They were, of course, once so much more. The party that now attacks with such privileged vehemence the weak and the oppressed once stood up for them. These Southern Conflicts make us think of Mr. Lincoln himself, and how this party once stood for the common good. We end with a quote from our favorite Republican:

"Corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed."

Romney's 1-Percent Win Nearly Ices Nomination

Mitt Romney defeated Rick Santorum in the critical state of Ohio last night, all but clinching the GOP nomination. Really folks, it’s all downhill for him from here.

His margin of victory: 1 percent – fittingly, as the Plucky Plutocrat perhaps best represents the distilled essence of entrenched wealth in contemporary America. Mr. Romney will whine on command at any assaults on his hard work and bootstrap-pulling life, but the reality of the situation is that he was born the son of a wealthy car company CEO and Michigan governor, got into good colleges on the old Affirmative Action for Wealthy White People program – a longstanding practice in this country – and was immediately headhunted out of college by firms who wanted what he offered: that all-important ACCESS to power.

To borrow from the great Molly Ivins – he's another guy who was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.

The race this fall will be an interesting contrast between Mr. Romney and President Obama.

...........

We really wanted Rick Santorum to do better last night. Our finely tuned computer models (right...) predicted wins for Mr. Santorum in all the states he did win – Tennessee, Oklahoma, and North Dakota – but we also concluded he would emerge victorious in Ohio. It was close – 1 percent – but a loss is a loss, and the updated delegate count is as follows:

Romney: 371
Santorum: 155
Gingrich: 101
Paul: 60

A few votes go the other way, and the race would be much closer to a tie between the two front-runners. Considering that Mr. Santorum was outspent by a conservative margin of 6-1 leading up to Tuesday’s race, his showing is quite remarkable. It’s even more remarkable when one factors in Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul sniping much of the right wing vote that would most likely have gone to Mr. Santorum had they not been present.

Mr. Romney will undoubtedly be the unloved groom come the GOP convention, the man who was there, was just good enough, and who won’t be particularly admired by anyone outside the Mormon enclaves of the west.

..........

Speaking of Newt Gingrich: He isn’t going anywhere. He won his home state of Georgia – no surprises there – but the real news is that he is now receiving Secret Service protection. He must be delighted. This new turn alone will keep him in the race for at least another two months. Mr. Gingrich is a 12-year-old boy trapped in Jabba the Hutt’s body, and he now has a new toy to play with. Moon Base Gingrich gets to be Secret Service Agent Man Gingrich. Callista will probably enjoy the attention, too. Best of luck to Team Gingrich in the upcoming primaries Way Down South in Dixie, where fantasies continue to trump reality.

..........


The moral center of the Republican Party suffered a sudden collapse this weekend, as Rush Limbaugh finally managed to say something that got normal people to take a look at him and the hate he has peddled for twenty years. You know the story, we will not relate the details, suffice to say that some 35 advertisers have pulled away from Mr. Limbaugh and the rest seem headed for the doors. He is bragging about all the advertisers who are always clamoring to sign up with him, and, indeed, two have reared their heads: SeekingArrangements.com, and AshleyMadison.com. Seeking Arrangements is a matchmaking site that hooks up attractive young women with wealthy older men. Ashley Madison is a dating site for married folk to meet fun people on the side. We look forward eagerly to new developments in the Limbaugh saga.

Another interesting week for what remains of conservatism in America – but they beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly....

Santorum Stumbles, Attempts to Right Himself

Rick Santorum has consistently proven himself smarter in defeat than in victory. From the beginning of this colossal snafu they’re calling the GOP primary, Mr. Santorum had kept his demon-fearing religious psychoses well hidden, and seemed most of the times normal, generally rational – for a Republican – and occasionally charming. All of that changed, of course, a few weeks ago, after he won three caucus states on one day and catapulted to a double digit lead over Mitt Romney in national polls.

Then we saw the real Rick Santorum. The one who fears birth control for the evil it represents. The one who tastes vomit in the back of his throat at the concept of the separation of church and state. The one who thinks multiple college degrees are peachy for him, but not so great for the masses. The one who seemed to be working overtime to singlehandedly alienate the largest voting demographic in America: women.

Mr. Santorum’s national poll numbers plummeted from plus-12 over Mr. Romney to minus-5. That’s a 17-point turnaround in three weeks. He went from being the favorite in Michigan to losing by 3 points. Not even the most crazed right-wing zealot can blame his collapse on the "liberal media elite establishment," or whatever they’re calling the people who report what the candidates have said and what the candidates have done. Mr. Santorum has effectively sunk his own ship, without the help of Michael Moore, or Bill Keller at the New York Times, or whoever is calling those damnable liberal media elite shots.

Now, in defeat, Mr. Santorum is tentatively moving back toward the strengths that made him the most credible non-Romney in the GOP pack. In his concession speech Tuesday night he talked about the strong women in his life, all of whom have college degrees apparently (snobs!), and he avoided weighing in on Jews in limbo, whether fetuses should be allowed to drive, or how many angels can lindy-hop on the head of a pin. He focused on economic matters, giving the standard Republican prescription for curing all our ills: Rip the planet to shreds, frack it all, by jiminy, from sea to shining sea, and devil take the hindmost. In other words, the cagy, politically savvy Rick Santorum is back. The one who actually wants to win this thing.

He still has a shot. Mr. Romney currently leads in delegate count 142 to 59. (We must note here that we are using Real Clear Politics for our count. Every site varies in how it tallies this thing, as the degree of wiggle room in delegate count is wide enough for Newt Gingrich and Chris Christie to walk through hand-in-hand. Between soft and hard delegates, non-binding and binding primaries and caucuses, promised delegates from candidates who have dropped out of the race, and sundry other factors, there is no hard and fast count as of yet, but the proportional differences are roughly the same in all the major counts.) Super Tuesday stacks up not so shabbily for Mr. Santorum, and our very rough predictions place a plausible delegate count a week from now as follows:

Romney: 257
Santorum: 224
Gingrich: 128
Paul: 37

We predict Mr. Santorum will be in a very close second place following next Tuesday’s primaries, where 437 delegates are up for grabs in a clutch of states, narrowing the gap considerably. His anticipated success is dependent, of course, on his ability to return to the strategy which got him into the race in the first place: Stay mum about who Rick Santorum really is, and what Rick Santorum really thinks, and what Rick Santorum really will do if given the power he so really, really craves.

Dear Michigan: Please, Please Vote Rick Santorum!

Alas and alack.  It looks as though Mitt Romney will win Michigan, and it's certain he'll win Arizona.  We are in a grand funk this morning, as Rick Santorum thrilled us to our very toes.  He is everything we have ever wanted in a Republican candidate.  He is an absolute delight, distilling everything we despise about the GOP into one pear-shaped sweater vest. 


It's not gonna happen, though.  Even Republicans -- yes, even Republicans -- sense he's a wacko.  The Man Who Would Be King would sink them so thoroughly this November that the havoc G.W. Bush caused would seem childlike by compare.  Down-ballot voting nationwide would be so overwhelming that the Great Democratic Hegemony would begin in earnest, were the Insane One to lead their party this November.


He kept it under wraps for months.  He stayed away from sex and bestiality, birth control and the evils of public school...until he took the lead in the polls.  It went to his head, as it does with all these blowhards, once they get a little wind in their sails, and then he let it rip.


On President Obama's goal to increase the number of Americans with access to college education?  "What a snob."  That's a direct quote there.  Mr. Santorum -- who possesses a B.A. in political science, and MBA, and a law degree -- is calling Barack Obama a snob for wanting to increase access to higher education for more Americans.


We understand what he's doing.  He's playing to the hoi polloi base of the GOP, trying to get the smugly satisfied down-home vote.  Republicans have always played better in the heartland -- some obese moron in Kansas sees a Democrat, and he hears "Maybe you should drop a few pounds, maybe read a book."  The Republican, on the other hand: "You're just fine the way you are.  And the only book you'll ever need is the Bible."


Mr. Santorum is unelectable in a general election.  He wants to make birth control illegal.  John Kennedy's speech on the separation of church and state made him "want to vomit."  He accuses Barack Obama of wanting to make you "in his own image" because he's all for giving more Americans a chance at higher education.  Rick Santorum is unabashedly and uncompromisingly unelectable.


Which is, or course, why we love him, and wish the GOP would vote their deepest beliefs, rather than their vaguely rational sense that Mitt Romney would stand a better chance in the general. 


Mr. Santorum was leading in Michigan up until the past week.  A combination of Mr. Romney's money -- in the form of negative ads -- and Mr. Santorum's inability to disquise his insanity has almost sunk his chances there.  With a close victory in Michigan, and a blowout in Arizona, where he leads by 13 points, Mr. Romney will have the momentum to all but ice this thing after the Super Tuesday primaries March 6.


Damn, Rick, why couldn't you have played your cards a little closer to your vest?  We knew you were nuts -- we remember you from your senatorial days -- but not everybody else knew it.  Until now.


Alas.  Alack. 

Romney/Paul -- Dream Ticket, Or Doom?

Michigan and Arizona primaries are Tuesday, and Mitt Romney has been in damage control in his home state after principal challenger Rick Santorum took the polling lead there and held it for a couple weeks.  

To mangle S.E. Hinton – that was then, and this is now. A poor performance by Mr. Santorum in the Arizona debate last Thursday hurt him, perhaps irreparably.  He now trails Mr. Romney by 6 points in Michigan, and 13 points in Arizona. 

Mr. Santorum’s day might be done.  The hubris of the true believer raised its head as soon as he took a national lead over Mr. Romney, and he let it all hang out, letting all the world see his Opus Dei extremism for what it is.  With a nation of women in their ovulating years prepared to vote overwhelmingly Democratic this election cycle (there’s a pun in there somewhere), Mr. Santorum’s Medieval views on birth control (the rhythm method, basically) pretty much sink him nationally. 

Even Republicans – somewhere in the murk of their reptilian brain stems – can figure out that a Santorum/Father Flanagan ticket in November might cost them the House and the Senate as well as the White House, and we expect they will come to their senses and go with Mr. Romney – pretty damn quick, too.  As in, by the end of Super Tuesday, on March 6.

With 59 total delegates up for grabs this coming Tuesday, Mr. Romney stands to grab the lion’s share.  Arizona’s 29 delegates are awarded in winner-take-all fashion, and in Michigan Mr. Romney, even if he basically ties with Mr. Santorum, will hold his own. 

Ron Paul realizes that this nomination belongs to the Romney camp.  Dr. Paul and Mr. Romney have been BFFs for months now, with the Mushy Mormon constantly showing polite deference to Dr. No, and with the good doctor consistently attacking each serious Romney challenger to rear up from the slime.  They did as much at the debate last Thursday, effectively sealing Mr. Santorum’s fate.

We, along with much of the blogosphere, must ask: What is Dr. Paul angling for with his buddy-pal approach vis-à-vis Mr. Romney?

Speculation abounds, with our favorite being that Mr. Romney is dangling a vice presidential slot before the flaring nostrils of KY Senator Rand Paul.  (He’s from Kentucky, but we like KY – he just looks like a KY Senator to us.)  Parenthood trumps integrity every time, and though it seems Mitt Romney should be the embodiment of everything Dr. Paul despises in a flip-flopping fakey-fake conservative, the VP thing for li’l Rand might just work for him.

It might help Mr. Romney, too.  For one thing, the father and son names are similar enough that plenty of Paul supporters might jump on board the Romney/Paul ticket.  That bump could be mitigated by Rand Paul’s basic amateurism politically – he is capable, for instance, of bad-mouthing the Civil Rights Act, letting all the good folks of Amerika know he wouldn't have voted for it -- which in a sane world would render one DOA in national politics.

But we are in Republican land, for the nonce, and Rand Paul might just look peachy-keen to a tired old fella like Mr. Romney.  My goodness, Sen. Paul might even energize the Romney campaign in the same way Sarah Palin propped up Old Man McCain four years ago.

We are going all in on the idea of a Romney/Paul ticket for the GOP.   We’re committed to it.  At least for the next 48 hours.

What We Learned from the GOP Debates, Part 1

First: They were a mistake. For the Republicans.

Republicans do best when they’re not speaking.  They’ve been speaking quite a bit for the past six months and, as a result, Barack Obama’s approval rating keeps going up.

Another unanticipated side effect of the “talking cure,” GOP style, has been the realization by Republican voters that they don’t like any of their candidates.  (This is one area of agreement we have with Republicans.)  None of the candidates can seal the deal with primary voters because, to use a technical term, they suck.  Everybody on their side knows it, and everybody on their side will continue to hope for a boffo candidate to come out of nowhere and assume the mantle at the last minute.

Problems with that scenario, too – the potential saviors aren’t that great, either, from that shockingly obese fella from New Jersey to the guy whose last name is Bush.  (That’s how desperate they are – they keep coming back to a guy named Bush.)

The more they talk, the more they – and their audience – show the rest of us what they’re all about: racism, misogyny, homophobia, and gun-fetishism.  That’s about it.

They really blew it by talking so much, and they realize the need to stop – word from Republican National Committee higher-ups has it that the debates are being shut down, and right damn fast.

Mitt Romney still has a shot at the White House, provided he stop talking extemporaneously and “control his message.”

A TV ad that “controls his message” would look something like this

Mitt Romney stands before a billowing American flag.  Voice Over by Fred Thompson: “When Mitt Romney was born, gasoline was 20 cents a gallon….  With Barack Obama as president, gasoline is 5 dollars a gallon….  Vote for Mitt Romney….  Vote for 20-cent a gallon gasoline….”  Fade to Black.

There you go.  And now it’s time for the Great Debates to fade out, too.  It was fun seeing what Republicans are all about, getting a glimpse behind the curtain.  They showed us unbelievable ignorance: Bachmann, Cain, and Perry.  Shocking hubris: Gingrich.  And homophobic, sexually twisted weirdness we thought was limited to psychology textbooks: Santorum.  And Mitt Romney.  Who’s just annoying.  (We are ignoring Ron Paul because every Ron Paul supporter we know tells us “He’s not really a Republican.  He’s a Libertarian.”  We’ve come to accept that premise, and it’s natural conclusion to not consider him in the context of a Republican primary contest.)

The “merely annoying” will probably be the best the GOP can hope for this election cycle.  And if they can keep their man on-script, avoid alienating every woman voter who is still in her ovulating years, and get lucky with the economy tanking, they might still have a shot at getting close enough in the vote count to steal a couple key states.

They have a chance.  But only if they shut down these debates – now.

Fade to black.