Monday, January 23, 2012

Anchor Baby Mitt Romney to Release Tax Records

Andrea Mitchell, noted telejournalist and Ayn Rand disciple, smashed a pinata on the Chris Matthews Show last night, claiming members of the Romney clan entered the country illegally from Mexico. To quote:

"The other interesting little fact is about the Mexican Romneys. Those looking back at all of those records say that Mitt Romney should look back at the records because the Romneys that came back from Mexico to the United States, they crossed the border illegally."

Ninety seconds research on the internet neither confirmed nor disproved this claim, but we did learn that Mr. Romney still has several relatives living in a Mormon community in Chihuahua. Aye, Chihuahua.

All of which would be of little concern to anyone except the most extreme of racist Americans, who see red and froth and whatnot at the mere utterance of the word "Mexican." In other words, most of the Republican base – whose votes Mr. Romney feels slipping through his fingers like the sands of his ancestral desert homeland.

Mr. Romney hopes to weather a different storm of controversy, that surrounding his continued unwillingness to release his tax records. He has claimed he will flash a bit of his financial dainties tomorrow, hopefully sparing himself from further attack on this issue at tonight’s debate. We presume he will spend the time saved continuing to attack President Obama for his alleged incompetence. We assume the irony is self-evident.

Surely Newt Gingrich sits and laughs and jiggles like Jabba the Hutt, as minions from a nearby science fiction convention feed him pieces of candy that have fallen to the floor like manna. We will not speculate as to whether Callista owns a Princess Leia outfit.

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