Tuesday, October 2, 2012

On Debate Eve, Romney Camp Focused On Zingers, Not Substance

The Romney campaign has decided that presidential debates are about memorable moments, according to a recent NY Times report, and to that end their candidate is committing numerous "zingers" to memory for use against President Obama Wednesday night.

This should be fun. Mitt Romney is such a gifted, though unwitting, comedian that there's no doubt he'll be entertaining. (I bet he doesn't think of it as a "zinger," though. I bet he thinks of it as a "hot one.") (I hope after he lays a "hot one" on Obama he looks at the camera, smirks, and says, "Ba-zinga.")

For his part, the president has said he is hoping for a serious debate concerning the important issues of the day.

Before the debate has begun, the score is Obama 1, Romney 0.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Bring on the Obama Ads

Hey Google, what's a guy gotta do to get some Obama ads around here? I think we'd make more money if we got the RomBot ads off the side of the page.  He doesn't want money from the "little people" anyway!

Sabato's Crystal Ball: Obama a Shoo-In at this Point

Sabato's Crystal Ball, excellent website for number crunching. He has Obama at a fairly safe 290 electoral votes.  A major shake-up would have to happen to swing things in Romney's direction.

Sabato site

Real Clear Politics has more a Repub, Rasmussen feel, and even they give Obama a huge edge currently.

In the Senate, Sabato has it currently 49-45 for the Dems, with 6 toss-ups.  Just two of those toss-ups have to go D for the Dems to retain control of the Senate. With Elizabeth Warren of MA and Tammy Baldwin of WI probably going to win...looks like a safe Senate save for the Dems.

The House will probably Stay Repub, though Dems are likely to chip into their lead.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Mitt Sinks Lower than W in Favorability Rating


You KNOW George W. Bush is Mitt Romney's biggest fan and supporter. Mitt's the only guy that can get W off the list as America's Worst President.

Newt Gingrich: If Obama wins, we'll being plotting our comeback


Of course the Repubs will plot their comeback.  All they do is plot how to win elections -- they're not even remotely interested in governance.  They've had a huge tactical advantage over the Dems for years -- they're always plotting and planning, playing Machiavellian games with gerrymandering, redistricting, and voter suppression, while Dems are busy doing things like, you know, governing.  America, however, has figured out the GOP. We are shunning them. Plot all you want, Newt, but your party is close to implosion, with the insane teabaggers on one side and the geriatric nostalgia types on the other. And nothing in the middle.

Obama Obama Obama -- Now Let's See Some Obama Ads on Here!

Tempted to type Obama about 80 times, just to try to get some Obama ads posted on this site. 

Other races deserving of your five dollar bill:

Claire McCaskill in Missouri! She's leading the Kahuna of the Fruitcakes Todd Akin, but expect the RNC money to come pouring in -- they just love that guy's take on rape.  Seriously, he is one scary dude.  If I ever thought the "skeleton in the closet" phrase might be literal rather than figurative, it's with this guy.

Romney Camp Lowers Debate Expectations

And if I were them I would too.  The RomBot camp is out in force touting President Obama's brilliantly unparalleled gifts as an orator -- simply to lower expectations for Romney's upcoming 90 minutes of ineptitude.

Sure, Obama is a fine orator, and he runs a smart campaing, neiter of wich can be said for Romney but the real story of why Romney is losing so badly is the GOP's inability to remain pertinent. They're locked into an increasingly outlier mentality, unable to connect with the reality of contemporary America: We're more diverse, more progressive, and smarter than ever. As long as the GOP pretends that America is for whites only, and all they need to do is wear a bigger flag lapel pin, they will lose...and lose...and lose.


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Republicans On the Attack: Gingrich v. Fox; West v. Red Menace in Congress

Republicans are a combative lot, always looking to gin up a good conflict – usually for the sake of self-aggrandizement, free press, or the titillation of their cranky, perpetually aggrieved base. But regardless of motive, it’s a naff bit of fun to watch. Especially now that the hulking ocean liner that is the GOP nominating process has wrecked upon the monolithic dullness that is Mitt Romney. (Our nod to the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.) (And congratulations to Mr. Romney for icing the nomination.) (GOP staff and crew, you may lower the lifeboats.)

Take Newt Gingrich. Moon Pie is on the offensive, blasting the diddly-dang biased media again – but this time he’s blasting...FOX NEWS!!! Has the universe turned widdershins? Are we in bizarro world? No, it’s true – after verbally spanking the liberal media like a dominating daddy for the past couple months – since his monumental loss in Florida, actually – and seeing the amount of coverage he gets from aforesaid media plummet like a stone falling out of orbit toward the gravity well of a heavenly body, Mr. Gingrich is doubling down on the few media outlets that remain accessible to him. He’s attacking Fox News for sinking his campaign, saying that Darth Murdoch and the Empire want Mitt Romney in the White House and "...there’s no question Fox had a lot to do with stopping my campaign because such a high percentage of our base watches Fox." Use the farce, Newt.

In even more absurd GOP shenanigans, Rep. Allen West of Florida is alleging that Congress is permeated with members of the Communist Party. He’s heard tell there are around 80 of them or so, and...and....

...I’m finding myself a bit unnerved by this story – how did he find out?!? – even to the point of dropping the annoying "royal we" pronoun we’ve been using for a couple months. (Thought it was cute, at first. Now I’m not so sure what we think about it.) It’s so unnerving because, well...my secret Soviet overlords are telling me to belittle Rep. West for his accusation, to keep the American people in the dark about our Secret Soviet Plans to take over the United States and force all freedom-loving Christians to worship secular liberal condoms, or whatever nefarious plans are being kicked around this week back in Leningrad...goodness – How did he find out?!?

Ahem.  That Rep. West. He’s sure a dildo. Communists? Ha. It is to laugh.

Comrade Z-19, over and out.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

GOP Nomination Romneys Toward Its Inevitable Conclusion

We propose a new verb:

To Romney:  to proceed toward an inevitable end, one neither desired nor hoped for, but accepted stoically by all interested parties.

"After teetering over the edge of the oceanside precipice, the sports car romneyed slowly to the rocky shore below."

"Damn it, Martha, I have to romney to work now."

"The candidate, though not particularly loved by anyone, seemed the only viable choice when compared with his insane or brain-dead competitors. He eventually romneyed his way to the candidacy."

Our neologism might not have the legs of Dan Savage’s delightful savaging of Rick Santorum’s good name, but it certainly captures the feeling of lethargy surrounding the inevitability of Mitt Romney’s nomination. He’s about to wrap it up? Yay. We really like him. Go...Romney...go...yawn....

Only a smart VP choice can perk up this campaign. Somebody exciting and unvetted might do it – it worked so well in 2008 for the Republicans – and we really have to suggest Rand Paul. (Nobody much liked our idea last column that Kim Kardashian get the nod, so we’re staying inside the box a bit more this time around.)

Rand Paul brings major positives to the campaign, and only a few negatives. First, the negatives: He’s short. I mean really, really short. When he follows another speaker at his dad’s campaign rallies, there’s always this awkward bit while they readjust the microphone, or slip a box under him so you can see him over the lectern. For the first several seconds there’s just this bit of curly, freedom-loving hair peeking up until his puckish, snarky grin romneys upward like a very slow jack-in-the-box and begins to mouth off about how tired he is of hearing about Warren Buffett’s secretary, or how much he loves British Petroleum or hates the Civil Rights Act. (The other negative is the possibility that the candidates, when appearing together, will too much resemble a ventriloquist's act.)  Once he gets his box in place, though, Mr. Paul becomes a rather formidable contender in the VP sweepstakes.

We are certain he would deliver the Ron Paul vote. Many of them will think they’re actually voting for Ron Paul. "Beulah! Get in here, Beulah! Ron Paul’s looking about 30 years younger!" "Lovin’ freedom takes off the years, Frank honey!"

We are also certain he will deliver the Tea Party vote. They backed him in Kentucky, during his successful senatorial bid, and they will back him in the presidential.

He will deliver the Southern vote. He is one – raised in Texas, currently representing Kentucky. And he really doesn’t like the Civil Rights Act, newfangled gummint social engineering that it is.

Mr. Paul could very well help make a race of it, but we suspect even his little elfin self will not be enough to romney the top of the ticket into the White House.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Romney Juggernaut Chugs Toward D.C.; Good-Bye Newt

Three primaries Tuesday lie solidly in Mitt Romney country as The Race turns from the Deep South to the Solidly North: District of Columbia, Maryland, and Wisconsin. With 98 delegates up for grabs in winner-take-all fashion, Mr. Romney has a solid chance for a clean sweep, pushing his total delegate count over 600.

It has been a good week for the Romney camp. Endorsements pour in, as the wind sniffers sniff the wind, and the Meretricious Mormon has gotten the nod from such Republican notables as Paul Ryan, Marco Rubio, and Poppy Bush. Also, Secret Talks have been reported – and verified – between the Romney camp and Newt Gingrich. Though they downplay the Louisiana meeting, pretending such Secret Talks happen all the time (though apparently they don’t), the smart money is on the likelihood of Newt dropping out, should a future President Romney make it worth his while. A ride on Air Force One will no doubt be part of the deal, though we suspect Mr. Gingrich wants more. A cabinet post would do it, but that will happen sometime when Darfur freezes over. We suspect an ambassadorship will seal the pact. Someplace First World, hopefully out of the way enough to prevent his ADD-influenced maunderings from inadvertently triggering a world war. Poland, perhaps. Callista has roots there. We can picture them, the toast of Warsaw, Newt having his picture taken with four-legged luminaries at the Polish National Zoo (50 zloty a pop?) while Callista sits in on French horn with the Polish National Symphony. It is indeed time for the Grand Old Nobody of the right to fade to black, and though we do not particularly wish him well, we do not particularly wish him ill, either. We simply wish him gone. And soon, we suspect, our wish will be granted.

Returning to more relevant matters than Newt Who?, the young anglers of the right are fishing outright for a VP nod. Marco Rubio of Florida would be thrilled with the spot, as would Paul "I Laugh As I Kiss the Third Rail" Ryan, both of whom are young and cute in that clean-cut Republican way that is increasingly synonymous with closeted homosexuality. We advise Mr. Romney to, yes, go with young and attractive, and a high Q rating, but get somebody more obviously hetero, for god’s sake, and maybe think outside the box: a Kardashian would do the trick. Well known, hetero with the sex tapes to prove it, solidly Republican, and vapid enough to seem "real" to the party base. Not "elitist." No "fancy-pants" book learning. "Stupid."

Romney/Kardashian. You heard it here first. For reals.